i was born a porn star she said
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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