my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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