I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize