i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
