The maid of honor just puked.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
