Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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