3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
