im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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