Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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