About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
