i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
