I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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