she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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