At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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