I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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