Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
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