i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
