We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
