Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
