i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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