Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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