My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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