he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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