I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
