I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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