I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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