shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
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