I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
