Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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