watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
