On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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