so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize