Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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