You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
