Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
