so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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