He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
