you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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