this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
