Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
