Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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