can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
