i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize