That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
