I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
