I want to stick my p in your. b.
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
