i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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