You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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