maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
