I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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