Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
True strength comes from lack of pants
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
