Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
