Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
