just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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