Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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