Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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