I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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