its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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