think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
