omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
