If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
