I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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