positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
This beer is not sobering me up at all
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
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