I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
