There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
