i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
